Unworthy (The Worthy Series Book 1) Read online

  He filled her, until she could barely breathe from the pleasure-pain of it.

  “Don’t tease, Cat.” His voice was tight with need and was tense with the effort of leashing it in.

  “Getting there. You’re a little big. I need to get used to you.”

  “Got my dick in the hottest pussy in Miami. Take all the time you need.”

  “Oh, God,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut and burying her face against his neck. “No dirty talk or I’m going to come in a second.”

  “Then I’ll make you come again.” He swiveled his hips slightly. “And again.” This time, he thrust. “And again, until you can’t walk without thinking about how deep I was inside you. How I filled you over and over.”

  Her cry of his name was lost to the ocean-venturing birds that ignored their love play in favor of kamikaze diving into the ocean for food. Their steep and swift descent was an echo of the way she and Ian moved against each other, each lost to everything except for finding their own pleasure.

  They made love once more that afternoon, somehow better and more intense. When they found completion, he laid her back on a towel on a padded bench in the shaded cabin of the boat and held her silently, stroking his large hand through her hair. Neither closed their eyes and they maintained eye contact the whole time.

  “Did you figure things out, sweetheart?” he asked softly.

  She couldn’t maintain eye contact and glanced at a point behind him before gathering courage to look back at him. “Yes,” she said. “It’s you. It’s always been you.”

  His arms tightened around her and her face got smushed against his chest.

  “I went to see Danny,” she said against his skin.

  His arms tensed and then he released her enough to look at her again. “And?”

  She swallowed, and as the words spilled out of her, loathing and self-hatred filled her for lying to the man she loved. A man who would hate her if he discovered her lies. She’d have to make it all true, she promised herself. If she could get Danny to rehab, then it would be worth it and Ian would never have to know she’d lied to him

  “He agreed to go to rehab,” she said. “I told him how much he was hurting me, and…” her mouth lost the ability to continue.

  “That’s amazing, Cat.” He hugged her, then pulled back. “Why the tears? It’s a good thing. He’ll get cleaned up this time, I believe it.”

  She forced a watery smile, not trusting herself to speak, and then the tears came harder.

  “Catherine.” He rocked her, rubbing circles on her back, and horrible person that she was, she allowed it, knowing it might very well be the last time she had his affection. “Is it the money? Is that why you’re crying?”

  She closed her eyes for a brief, grateful second, relieved he wouldn’t make her spell it out. Then she opened her eyes and nodded. “Yes. I can’t afford the bills at a decent place, the kind that has a chance of working.”

  He didn’t even hesitate before making the offer, and another little chunk of her died inside. She was a horrible, horrible person for lying to him.

  “I’ll help. Danny was my friend, and if it’ll help remove him from between the two of us, I’ve got money saved.”

  “Really? You’re amazing. I’ll pay you back, I swear. I’ll work for free, anything.” She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as hard as she could, trying to convey her gratefulness and her love in the fierceness of her hug. She would do this. She’d borrow the money and somehow convince Danny to get clean and then pay Ian back. She tightened her hug even harder thanks to her gut-deep resolve.

  Ian held onto Catherine and inhaled, a few silky strands of her blonde hair tangling in his lips. It was worth it. She was worth it, and if he had to postpone buying the club to make her happy, he’d do it. Drew would understand. No, he wouldn’t, but Ian would figure out a way to make things right. Luis Feralta’s space had been sitting empty for a long time, and if luck were on his side, it’d still be available when Ian once again had the money.

  When Catherine’s arm tightened around him, he kissed the crown of her head.

  Suddenly she rose up on her elbows to look down at him. “You never told me your good news. What was it?”

  He’d been planning on telling her about purchasing the Calle Ocho building. Instead he smiled and said, “I.D. got a night at Lincoln Rhodes,” he said, naming a minor deal that had come through earlier that week.

  Her brows rose. “Oh. That’s great. I thought it’d be something about the place you and Drew looked at, but getting Lincoln Rhodes is awesome. That’s a solid club.”

  “Yep,” he said and promised himself she’d never know he delayed his dream so her brother could get healthy.

  “Merry Christmas.” Amy popped her head into Cat’s room, knowing her roommate was at Ian’s, but that Danny was in the bed.

  The man in question looked away from the television screen to look at her quizzically, his right hand was idly petting the cat that adopted the Ross’s as her people. “It’s Christmas?”

  She stepped further into the room. “Yep. December twenty-fifth, or so my phone tells me.”

  He smiled faintly. “Merry Christmas.”

  “Thanks. Technically I’m Jewish, but Hanukah ended last week, so…” She gave a shrug.

  “Well, Happy Hanukah.”

  “Thanks. Anyway, I’m heading to…” She stopped before admitting she was going to the Lawrences for Christmas. Cat had insisted that Ian’s mom had invited her, but she didn’t want to rub it in Danny’s face. He’d been decidedly not invited. “Out, and I wanted to give you your Christmas present before I went.”

  He sat up. “You got me a present?”

  She walked over to sit on the edge of the bed, trying not to stare at his bare chest, which had fading bruises but was still impossibly a sculpted thing of beauty. “Yeah. It’s no big deal. Just something I saw and thought of you.”

  He held out his hand unencumbered by a cast for the flat rectangular box, an inscrutable look on his face. She handed it over feeling like an idiot. What had she been thinking getting him a present? Sure, he’d been her houseguest for the past two weeks, but he was an unpaying, unhelpful roommate who never left the room unless it was to sneak out in the middle of the night to go who-knew-where.

  He ripped open the wrapping paper and stared in silence for a second at the contents as Fancy pounced to attack the discarded paper. “A Calvin and Hobbes T-shirt.” There was nothing in his tone that gave away his thoughts on her gift, either positive or negative.

  “You don’t seem to have many clean clothes, and you used to read the comics.”

  He blinked at her. “How did you know that?”

  “Back in high school you sat in the quad or in the cafeteria and read. And when you ran for student council, you quoted Hobbes.”

  “How the hell do you remember that?” he asked.

  “Not all of us have turned our brains to mush on drugs,” she replied. Her hands flew to her mouth. “I’m so sorry. That slipped out. I didn’t mean…”

  He put a hand on her arm. “Don’t apologize. You’re right. I’ve fucked up my life.” The gift box fell to his side and he buried his head in his arms. “It’s Christmas and I’m not with my family. Instead all I want is to get high.”

  “You…you don’t want to get clean?”

  “Too fucking hard,” he said to his palms.

  “Probably,” she said and reached for the box. “You won’t need this then. I’ll return it.”

  He looked up, startled. “What are you doing?”

  “Taking your gift. Why give a new funny T-shirt to a dead man?”

  He gave her a stony, silent glare, and she hated that even with the effects of his hard living etched onto his face, he still made her heart beat faster just as it had every time he’d ambled past her desk in art class.

  “I’m right, aren’t I? Sure, you’re breathing, but you’re not living. You’ve been slowly dying for years. And forcing yo
ur sister to watch, I might add.”

  “Shut up,” he said.

  “No. I’ve been silently and kindly playing host to you for weeks. And for what? To have more scary dealers show up in my driveway? To pretend not to notice when you sneak out to find your fix? Make up your mind, Danny. The guy I liked in high school wouldn’t do this to his sister or to himself. He would’ve mocked you relentlessly.” She let loose and took a breath wondering if she’d gone too far. This was the conversation Cat or Ian should be having with him, not her, a virtual stranger.

  “You liked me in high school?”

  She inwardly groaned. Trust a guy to focus on the one thing she hadn’t meant to divulge. “Not like you like. I meant as a friend.” But she couldn’t meet his stare. “And that’s not the point. My point is that you are totally fucked up, and you should fix it.”

  Surprisingly, he laughed. “Just like that.”

  She chanced a look at his face. “Well, yes. Otherwise, I’ll encourage Cat to do what Ian’s been pushing for her to do and ditch your sorry ass.”

  His face darkened, all laughter gone. “Ian wants her to ditch me?”

  She nodded. “Sorry. I thought you knew.”

  “I knew he was pissed at me. I vaguely remember him yelling at me, but then…” He gestured to his bruises. “He’s making Cat choose?”

  “Well, not exactly…” Crap, what had she stirred up?

  “Fuck him. And fuck that.”

  As his anger visibly boiled, she half rose off the bed. “I’m gonna…go.” She pointed at the door, but he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down to sitting.

  “Don’t go. You’re the only one who doesn’t bullshit me. You tell me the truth. What do I do?”

  She blinked. Danny Ross, voted most likely to succeed and most handsome guy of the class of 2006, was asking her for advice. It would’ve been laughable if it weren’t so ironic and sad. Ironic because of what he’d done to her in high school and sad because he only had two choices, both hard. Get clean or stay on his current path and eventually OD and die.

  “I think you know what to do,” she said quietly.

  Their eyes met in a moment of solidarity and then he frowned and nodded. “I have to kick the habit.”

  She nodded and squeezed his hand.

  “Fuck.”

  Twenty minutes north in his apartment overlooking Fisher Island, Ian watched as Cat did the last of her primping, getting ready for Christmas at his parents. They should’ve left fifteen minutes ago, but a few things were making them run late.

  One, they’d been up late working at a Christmas Eve I.D. Productions event. Ian gave his employees and the partiers of Miami Christmas as a day off, but Christmas Eve was one of their busier nights of the year.

  Two, once they’d arrived home at his apartment, Cat had wanted to shower off the sweat from dancing and carrying drinks around. Obviously he’d had to join her. She might’ve missed soaping a spot otherwise, and one thing had led to another and they’d eventually collapsed into sleep as the sun rose.

  Finally, he’d woken up with Cat’s ass pushing against his morning erection, and it needed attention.

  “It’s weird,” Cat said, catching his attention and looking at him via the mirror.

  “What is?”

  “If Danny hadn’t stolen my money that night, I wouldn’t have followed him back to you, I wouldn’t be living with Amy, and I’d be working today at Mo’s.” She spun to give him a wry look. “Or not, because I got a text from Suzy last week. They closed.” She frowned. “It’s highly likely I would’ve been jobless and homeless on Christmas this year if it hadn’t been for my brother.”

  “He set the ball rolling, but the rest was all you,” Ian said.

  “And you,” Cat responded. “I’d been in a downward spiral for so long I didn’t recognize that I had other options and avenues open to me.” She wrapped her arms around herself and looked forlorn, which hurt Ian to watch. “How low would I have sunk?”

  She met his gaze, the look on her face bleak, because they both knew how badly a person could go.

  He rose and went to wrap her in a hug. “Don’t go there, Catherine. You climbed out. That part of your life is over.” Her arms tightened around him, making him feel like the king of the beach. “I have something that will make you feel better. It’s in my pocket.”

  She giggled, pushed back, and swatted at his arm. “We’re already late, Ian. I’ll never be able to look your mother in the eye again as it is.”

  He grinned. “That’s not what I was talking about, but now that you mention it, I don’t mind being late or skipping Christmas with my family altogether if it means more sex with you.”

  She laughed but shook her head. “For one thing, my body can only take so much. I need a long, soaking bath, Ian. And you need to spend time with your family. Especially on Christmas. Don’t take them for granted. Ever.”

  The dark look in her eye reminded him that she knew what it was like to take a family for granted and lose it all. Before he could offer comfort, she visibly forced her sadness to the side and smiled. “Besides, Amy is going, and if we don’t show, it’d be mean. She doesn’t even know your family.”

  “Okay then, I was going to give this to you at my parents’, but I’d rather do it here. Plus that outfit can use a little sparkle.”

  “What?” She whirled to face the mirror, inspecting her ensemble, and Ian held out a long thin jewelry box in front of her. She looked down at it then up into his mirrored reflection. “Is this my Christmas present?”

  He nodded and gave her a nudge. “Open it.”

  She ripped open the package gleefully like a child, and he realized that it might’ve been a long time—years—since Cat had received a Christmas present other than the odd extra tips from her boss.

  “Ian,” she said on a breath. “It’s beautiful.”

  It should be. He’d paid bank for it. It set his club-buying plans back a bit more, but she was worth it.

  “Help me?”

  He studied the tiny clasp around her wrist and locked the white gold chain with bevel-set diamonds in place. “You always wear your mother’s ring around your neck, so I thought you needed something on your wrist to go with it.”

  “It’s beautiful,” she said, holding up her wrist to admire it, the diamonds catching the light. “Thank you.” Her face fell slightly. “This is going to make my Christmas gift to you look crappy by comparison.”

  “Not a chance,” he said, meaning it. “Having you with me at my family’s on Christmas is seriously all the gift I need. I’ll consider it a bonus if you keep me from punching my dad or brother every time they mention their latest real estate deal.”

  “They don’t do it to rub it in your face, Ian.”

  “You sure about that?”

  She looked up at him, her expression earnest. “You need to set things right with your Dad,” she said. “And your brother. I mean it, Ian. Family is everything.”

  He cupped her chin in his hand. “You’re everything.” Instead of melting into his arms or kissing him, her gaze flitted away before looking back at him.

  “We are seriously late.”

  He followed her as she grabbed up her purse and the cloth grocery bag full of wrapped presents she’d lugged over earlier. He took the heavier bag from her and led her out the door. They chatted easily the entire car ride. Traffic was surprisingly light or their lateness had benefitted them in that everyone was already at their destined Christmas celebration.

  “We should visit your brother tomorrow,” he said as they pulled into his parents’ driveway.

  She froze in the act of opening her car door. “What?”

  He’d deliberately not mentioned her brother in a while, because they seemed to fight every time Danny was discussed. “Your brother. It’s Christmas. Seems mean to not visit him. What facility did he end up at?”

  “Kendall Rehab,” she said to the car door. “I spoke to Danny earlier. He’s not expecting v
isitors.”

  Ian stepped out of the car and circled to the trunk to grab the gift bags. “He’s not at Baptist? Would’ve thought you’d want him closer.”

  “They were full,” she said. “Plus I have to work at the shop tomorrow. Amy said it’ll be a busy day.”

  Something about the way she spoke about Danny’s rehab struck him as odd, but before he could question her further, she practically ran ahead to the front door and it swung open since his family was expecting them.

  It was a large family gathering, all from his mom’s side, as his dad came from a family of non-observant Jews. He watched as Cat threw herself into the center of things, basking in the glory of having a family around for a holiday. The bracelet he gave her was admired and exclaimed over and there were more than a few hints and pointed comments about other diamond jewelry he’d be buying her in the near future.

  He smiled in response but said nothing confirming or denying that marriage was in their future. There was no doubt in his mind his future was Cat. Unfortunately, he knew her mind was tied up with her brother who may or may not succeed in rehab. He was hoping for a successful outcome, but experience and life told him you didn’t always get what you wanted.

  “What’s eating you?” His mom came over to where he was standing at the side of the room, watching rather than participating, and nudged his back. He smiled at her and at the stretchy athletic headband she had in her hair. It was a gift from Cat who knew his mom loved her Pilates workouts.

  “Nothing.”

  She snorted. “It’s good to see her happy. She took Thanksgiving hard.”

  “Yeah. Well, who wouldn’t? Her brother was a fucking mess.”

  “Don’t curse. It’s Christmas. But I was glad you told me he’s in rehab. Amy didn’t know which facility.” His mom gave a chin tip to Cat’s roommate who was on the couch reading a story to one of his little cousins.

  He took his gaze off the festivities. “She didn’t?”

  “Why do you look surprised? I think Cat is used to fending for herself. She probably isn’t used to sharing information and other details.