Worthless Page 13

  “’Fraid I can’t. Thanks for the invite though.” He pulled his hand away and stepped toward Amy. “Nice meeting you.”

  “Absolutely,” Kym said, and produced a business card from thin air. “Here’s my number in case you change your mind or plans change.”

  Danny pocketed the proffered card without a word and Kym stepped back into her store.

  When she was gone, Amy said, “You didn’t have to turn her down for my sake. If you want to go to the game with her, you should accept. I bet they’re really good seats, and I know you’re a Heat Fan.”

  He gave her a look so dark and scowly, it had her stepping back. “Haven’t I made it clear who I want?”

  She glanced away, but he gently grasped her chin in his hand and turned her to look up at him. “Amy. Baby, aside, it’s you I want. Get with the program.”

  Her heart pounded.

  “I’m starting to think that you’re pushing me away, not because you don’t want me, but because you don’t believe I want you.”

  She glanced away with his fingers still on her chin.

  “Ah. Think I’ve hit a nerve.”

  She pushed at his wrist. “I’m late.”

  “To be discussed later,” he announced. “Ready to face my sister?”

  “No,” she said, but pulled out her keys and unlocked the back alley door anyway. They entered into a tiny hallway with a door to the left to the bathroom—employees only—and her office to the right. Straight ahead was the main floor of the boutique.

  She strode into it now, drawing in confidence. This was her store, and she belonged here.

  One customer was in browsing, and Cat was hanging out by the register, watchful, but not intruding on the shopper.

  “Hey, Cat. I’m back.”

  Cat looked up, saw the two of them, and lost the smile that had started to appear on her face. Instead, she simply gave a nod.

  “Do you want a lunch break?”

  “No, thank you. I packed a lunch today.”

  “Oh.”

  They fell into silence, with Danny standing there awkwardly. “I’m gonna head out then.” He turned to her. “Bye, Amy. See you at home.” He turned to his sister. “Cabbage Patch.”

  Cat didn’t respond.

  She wasn’t sure if it was because Cat was still mad at her brother or because she hated Danny’s nickname for her.

  The rest of the day passed in awkward silence, the two of them only speaking when they had to. At four fifty-nine, Amy dove for the front door, locking it, and flipping the cute wooden closed sign. “I’ll close up,” she said, but it was to Cat’s back as she already headed to the backroom for her purse. Okay then. Message received. Cat still mad.

  She’d give her until Friday to hold on to her snit and then she was calling her on it.

  Turned out, she didn’t have to wait until Friday. At eight o’clock that night, Ian and Cat were knocking on her front door. She’d been hiding in her room, avoiding talking to Danny, and he’d been lounging on the living room couch taking advantage of her television streaming account. She had a Vogue magazine on her lap that she was pretending to read, but she put it down at the sound of the knock.

  She didn’t bother getting up to go to the door. What was the point of having a tall, strong roommate if you didn’t use him for butler duties? She heard him open the door, heard voices, but couldn’t make them out over the sound of the television, which Danny had left on.

  Curious, she sat up, debating whether or not to peek out and see their visitors, but Cat appeared in her bedroom doorway before she’d made a decision.

  “Hi, Amy.” Cat looked shy and hesitant, almost as if she didn’t know her way around, which she most certainly did considering she’d lived here before Danny. “Can you come out to the living room? I want to talk to you and Danny, and I’d prefer to say what I have to say once.”

  “I’m already in bed.” As if that weren’t obvious, but she didn’t want to make it too easy for her friend. “And I’m not sure I want to be yelled at in my own home.”

  Cat gave an apologetic smile. “No yelling. I promise.”

  She hefted herself out of bed. “Fine. Let me put on a robe.” She went to find her purple robe with the multicolored dragonflies embroidered on it, then headed to the living room where Danny, Ian, and Cat were waiting. Cat and Ian were side-by-side on the sofa, with not enough room for a baseball card between them. Danny was in the chair, leaving the other chair for her, which meant she was nearly across the room from Danny. She sat and angled her body to face Cat, and then waited.

  Cat took a visible breath and addressed Amy. “First I need to apologize. You caught me by surprise and I didn’t handle it well.”

  “Ya think?” Danny muttered.

  Cat and Ian turned to him. “Let her talk,” Ian said, obviously ready to throw down for his fiancée.

  Amy remained silent, not quite ready to fully accept the apology, but willing to hear Cat out.

  “I thought you were dating Mitch,” Cat said, then turned to Danny. “And I was busy trying to set you up. When I found out you two were together, I felt like I’d been left out of the loop. Not only that…” Here she reached for Ian’s hands. “It was easy to get mad at you, Danny, because I already was.”

  Danny frowned. “For what?”

  Ian swung an arm over Cat’s shoulders, pulling her tight against him. “I’ve been mad at you for nearly ten years. I was mad at you that Mom and Dad were killed. Then I was mad that you lost all our money, and then I was really, really mad that you were an addict. I held it all in while you were in a bad place, because I couldn’t get mad at you. I think subconsciously I thought if I got mad at you, I’d lose you too. I held in my feelings.”

  “You’re finally strong enough that she can let out her anger,” Ian finished.

  Amy felt like all the oxygen had left the room. She looked from Cat to Danny and wasn’t sure who she empathized with more. That was some heavy stuff hearing that your sister blamed you for your parents’ death. It also sucked that Cat had had to hold all her feelings in when it came to Danny.

  “Ian helped me see that I wasn’t angry that you and Amy are having a baby. I’m angry, because I’ve always been angry. The baby was an excuse to let it all out.” She turned to Amy. “You were in the wrong path at the wrong time. Yes, I’m a tiny bit shocked and miffed that you didn’t tell me that you liked my brother. You let me get all excited about Mitch, but if Danny is who you want, then as your friend, I support you.”

  “I don’t. I’m not,” Amy said. “I mean I’m not with Danny.”

  “You’re not?”

  She couldn’t meet Danny’s stare. “We’ve agreed to co-parent the baby together, but it doesn’t mean we’re in a romantic relationship.”

  “Why not?” Cat blurted.

  “Yeah, Amy. Why not?” Danny’s voice was low.

  She gave him a glare. “Because we had sex. Period.” She realized she was yelling by the last word, and no one in the room would meet her gaze. She forced herself to take a deep breath and calm the heck down. “I’m sorry. I feel as if everyone is making assumptions, and right now I’m focused on the baby and what’s most important to her.”

  “It’s a girl?” Cat asked, bouncing up slightly on the couch.

  “No. We don’t know yet. It’s too early,” she explained. “I was using the first pronoun that came to my head.”

  “Oh.”

  She rose. “I’m going back to bed, and I’ll get out of the way to let you and Danny talk.”

  He watched Amy’s rear move in a silky robe as she headed back to bed. What did she have on under the robe? If his sister and Ian weren’t here, he’d follow Amy to discover what she wore under the robe.

  But Cat was here, and she’d laid a bomb on him about how she was still mad at him for five years of the shit he’d shoveled at her. He knew he deserved her ire, but it rankled that he’d have to smile and eat any shit she shoveled back his way.

 
She had no idea—none—what he’d done to keep them afloat in the years after Mom and Dad had been killed. He’d been shocked after their funeral to learn his parents liked to live large—larger than their income.

  The gorgeous house they lived in was mortgaged to the hilt, multiple credit cards were maxed out, including ones his parents had taken out in his name, as he’d been eighteen. The investments had been placed in high risk, high yield stocks, and there’d been no 529 college savings plan for either of them.

  Basically, he’d been handed a tornado of bills along with the grief of losing his parents. He’d gone to some of Cat’s friends’ parents to ask for some financial help in paying her private school tuition bills, and she’d never known that her junior and senior years had been mostly financed by Ian’s parents and a few other family friends. He’d protected her from that knowledge.

  At eighteen, he’d gotten a crash course in survival and learning how to make a buck fast. It wasn’t an excuse, but it was sort of inevitable he’d fallen into some bad shit.

  He felt Cat’s gaze on him. “Well?” she asked.

  “What?”

  “Nothing to say? I told you I was mad at you.”

  He leaned his forearms on his thighs, interlacing his fingers into a fist. “That’s your prerogative, and I’m trying to decide how much to tell you.” Cat had a vision in her head of her perfect life with her perfect parents. If he told her the truth, he’d shatter her image, but she was now an adult. She could handle it.

  “That’s your apology?” Her little body bristled visibly within Ian’s arms.

  “No. This is. I’m sorry. I’m sorry Mom and Dad were killed by an asshole, who by the way, is getting out on parole any minute now. I’m sorry I couldn’t make enough money to keep you in the house and send you to college, and I’m sorry for all the shit you had to put up with when I was too high to know better.” He paused for breath. “Good?”

  Cat looked thoughtful and then frowned. “Your apology makes me sound like a selfish bitch.”

  If the shoe fits, he thought, but didn’t say it out loud, because for one, his sister was the opposite of a selfish bitch. And two, he did owe her an apology. “I didn’t mean to. You’re not a selfish bitch,” he said. “You were angry about things over which we had no control. I was angry too, and I made really poor decisions about how to handle that anger. For that, I’ll forever be sorry. While I’d like your forgiveness, I definitely don’t expect it.”

  His sister compressed her lips together and nodded. “I’m going to forgive you. Soon. Mom and Dad’s death taught me that life’s too short to hold a grudge. But for now, I’m reserving the right to be angry for a little while. Fair?”

  He nodded. “Fair.” Then he shook his head. “No, not fair. There’s shit I never told you about our parents. I was trying to protect you, but it’s time you know the truth.”

  Her eyes visibly widened, and she clutched at Ian’s thigh. “What? Tell me.”

  He had to laugh, because she acted as if he were about to announce their parents were involved in human trafficking. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to panic you. It’s nothing dire. It’s that our parents weren’t good with money. When they died, the house was mortgaged up the wazoo, there were dozens of credit cards maxed out, and your school tuition was a year behind. Basically, we were living a life they could sort of afford as long as dad’s paychecks kept coming, but as soon as he died, I was handed a truck full of debt. I was eighteen, Cat, and I made shitty decisions, and I didn’t go to people for help. I thought I could do it alone.”

  “Oh. Oh, Danny. I had no…”

  “No idea. I know. I kept it from you on purpose, because you had this rosy vision of our parents and it felt selfish to destroy it.”

  “You should’ve told me.”

  “You were fourteen. I’m telling you now, but it still doesn’t excuse my years of addiction.”

  “It explains so much, though.” She looked as though she were about to cry. “I’m sorry I blamed you. You don’t deserve my anger.”

  “Cat, it’s two separate issues. Don’t blame me for the financial shit, but I didn’t help matters by turning to drugs.”

  “Does Amy know?” she asked.

  He shrugged. “Bits and pieces.”

  She bit her lip and gave Ian a long look. Together they rose. “Okay, we’re leaving. We’ve invaded your home long enough.” She came over to give him a hug. “I really am happy about the baby,” she whispered in his ear. She pulled away and went to the front door.

  Ian came over to shake hands. “By the way, I forgot to mention there was a little scuffle at the front door Monday night. Two kids said you put them on the VIP list, but I didn’t have their names. Know anything about that?”

  His stomach did an uncomfortable little flip. “Ah, yeah. Fuck, I gotta go deal with it. After this, I might need a Saturday night VIP table for two asshole kids. I’ll owe you big.”

  “You’re my friend and brother-in-law. You don’t owe me dick.”

  “Thanks.” He closed the door behind them and turned to lean back against the wood. “Shit,” he muttered. “Fuck.” He realized he was mad as hell. Cat said she’d been holding in her anger at him for years, but he was fucking angry too. At his parents, and a little at his sister for not seeing the truth of things and for him having to hide it. He felt some relief at finally having shared it with her.

  Plus, he was nearly thirty years old, and was broke, orphaned, and about to be a dad. What the hell did he know about parenting? Amy was right. She was better off without him.

  Goddamn, he wanted to lose himself in something right now. His skin felt like it was too tight on his muscles and his brain was wired with one thought. Go out. Find his high.

  This was Miami. It would take one call and ten minutes to have access to anything he wanted. It’d be easy. Too easy.

  He sank down, crouched, holding his head in his hands. His eyes were closed, so he didn’t see Amy reenter the living room, but he heard her whispered, “Danny?”

  He opened his eyes and looked up at her.

  She stood what seemed like a thousand feet away looking down at him with an unreadable expression.

  He wasn’t sure who moved first or who broke the silence first. All he knew was he found himself in her arms, half crying, half blathering that he needed her. “Can’t be alone right now. Don’t leave me alone.”

  Her hand stroked over his hair, down his back. “I’m here. I’m here,” she whispered over and over, until his brain started to get the message. His shaking subsided, but the craving didn’t.

  When she stepped an inch away, he grabbed her wrist hard. “Stay. Please.”

  She froze and looked at where his fingers were likely leaving marks on her delicate skin. Consciously, millimeter by millimeter he released the pressure.

  “I wasn’t leaving you. I was walking to your bedroom.”

  God, she slayed him. He didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as her, but he’d make it so he could. “Your bedroom,” he begged. Her bedroom was safe. It was where she slept in peace, and not where he had nightmares and night sweats.

  “All right, Danny.” Taking him by the hand, she led the way to her bedroom. He noted that her robe was off and she wore only a pretty nightgown that did great things for her tits. No bottoms that he could see.

  “Can I stay?” he asked, hating the need in his voice. “No sex. I swear. The craving is bad now, and I’m scared to be alone.”

  “Of course,” she said, as if there were ever a question, and she slipped under the covers, gesturing that he should join her. Her mattress wasn’t a king-size like his so their skin touched.

  “Do you normally sleep in your clothes?” she asked. She’d shifted to face him.

  “Uh no. But I promised no sex.”

  “And if you take off your shorts, you think I’ll lose control and jump you?”

  How the hell she made him smile tonight, he didn’t know, but she did, and he did. He also listene
d to her, and shifted around to remove clothes until he was in his underwear. They lay side by side. Him, stiff as he could, trying not to curl into her and steal comfort she wasn’t offering. The shaking started after a few moments. It wasn’t the withdrawal shakes. No, he’d had those, and those sucked balls, but this was a kind of shaking that made him feel he was drowning in an icy dark abyss with nothing to anchor him.

  And then she scooted closer and turned her head. “It’s okay, Danny. It’ll be okay.” Then she rolled away, giving him her back.

  Jesus, he was a head case. No wonder Amy insisted they not be a couple. If he had a choice, he wouldn’t be with him right now, but he was locked inside his addict’s body and brain. Amy had a choice, and she’d chosen to keep her distance.

  Except right now, there was barely an inch of distance between them. It took a while, but they both settled into their spots, and the calm quiet of night descended. He lay absolutely still and silent with his eyes open, staring at the dark shadows of the back of Amy’s head. He didn’t think she was sleeping. There was a lulling monotony of a sleeping person’s breathing that was missing from Amy.

  “You sleeping?” he whispered.

  She shifted slightly to lie on her back, her left arm parallel with his right. “No.”

  “Am I keeping you up? Sorry. You need your sleep.”

  “It’s okay. Lot on my mind, need to quiet the voices before I can sleep.”

  He knew all about voices in your head keeping you from peace, but since she didn’t volunteer what was on her mind, he didn’t pry. “What’s it like?” he asked instead.

  “What’s what like?”

  “Pregnancy. Does it feel like there’s a human inside you?”

  She was quiet for a second, and he thought again how much he liked that about her. She didn’t blather on or fill a space to hear the sound of her voice. She said what was on her mind and nothing more. Finally she said, “Physically, no. Emotionally, yes. I’m always aware there’s a baby inside me. Physically I don’t feel much of anything yet except nausea. I assume that’ll change once the baby’s bigger and kicking.”